xoazn19

I'm going to start writing more blogs because I feel like it. Anyways, yesterday was really fun! I had a little get together with some of my friends, and I have never been so drunk in my entire life.. I had so much to drink last night and it went a little crazy. The people that I invited was Alex, Alex's GF, and his friend, Court, William, Michael, Andrea, Diane, and Chris. Chris, was the first one to show up and we had a little pre game before the party started. We all played Kings, and I lost twice so I had to drink smirnoffs since we didn't have any beers. Then, we played "I have never ever" game, and they were all picking on me since I was the innocent one, which wasn't fair at all. (haha) The party went extremely well, and I enjoyed every moment of it. I had a little drama going on though, because my best friend shirley kept on texting me
why I lied and stuff, but it was something so stupid.. All I lied to her was that I hung out alone at the grove by myself when I really was hanging out with my friend Diane. I still say that's really ridculous, and I feel like Diane is corrupting me in a way, but at the same time I kind of like it a lot.  Well, that's all I'm going to write so I'll blog more in the near future!....

I haven't been on LJ in forever, so I decided to make a new blog.. In the past years, my life has been like a roller coaster.. I had some ups and downs, but mostly downs.. I recently broke up with my boyfriend 2 month ago, and I realized he was a waste of time.. Why should I be in a relationship if he lives 1000 miles away?.. I think that was useless, and to think that he was the "one" (PFFT)..I guess, I'm not ready to have a boyfriend right now until I settle my differences.. I need to focus on school more, get a job, and try to get my license.. I hate taking the bus so much, and seeing werid people doing random shit.. I usually don't rant about my problems and show it to the world, but I guess I don't mind doing that now. I should be writing more, but I'm having a little writer's block at the moment. I'll write later...

I've been sleeping late recently, and I have no idea why... Maybe because I've been talking on the phone for hours and hours with this one special person that's in my life right now.. I don't think I have insomnia, or I don't think I do, but I feel like I should sleep earlier.. I keep sleeping around 3-4 am almost everyday, and when I wake up my body feels like shit. I can't really do anything about it, but if I do try then maybe I will have some way to fix it. I like sleeping, but when I try to it won't let me, and even if I force myself too. My eyes won't shut and it's furstrating..  I sometimes get 8 hours of sleep, but lately I've been getting 6 hours, and when I wake up I feel drained, and it sucks. 

This is all I'm gonna write, and I'll write more when I feel like it.. I just don't have the time to blog anymore...

Omg!. Don't you hate it when people never text you back, when it's something really important? Well I got mad with one of my best friend not so long ago, and the next day she just freakishly texted me back!. I mean come on.!!!~.. She didn't even apologize to me saying.. "Sorry.. I forgot your text.." She just said something really stupid saying like.. "What are we going to do for halloween"? I mean I bet she knew that I texted her and she goes totally random on me. I hate it when I have to wait for someone else's text. I mean what if I don't text my friends back and I'm pretty sure they will get mad at me also.

I just wanted to point that out because it just annoys me; if they don't text you back and not appologize.. I mean I'll understand if they text me back right away saying they are busy, but I mean not replying the same day, and replying without an apology, and telling them why I'm mad at them. I mean it's childish for them to not know these things..

My parents need to understand that I'm not a child anymore.. Gosh! it gets me so frustrated that I have to come home so effin early!~. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and my parents wants me to come home so early, for some reason.. I just want to spend time with him because he is leaving today =(.. I know I lie to my parents about hanging out with my friends because I haven't told them about having a boyfriend, but that still doesn't mean that I have to come home so effin early.!~ It pisses me off that I'm like what 19!!~ and, are they still going to treat me as a child when I turn 20?!?!?.. I mean come on.. I'm old enough to understand to protect myself and not let any stranger to attack me. I know how to defend myself, and I know for a fact that I could handle myself when it comes to talking to strangers. I'm not a little kid anymore!~. I got so mad today when my parents wanted me to leave at 8?!?!.. I mean, that’s effin early!.. It gets me mad!~. I just hope one day that my parents will understand that I’m not a kid anymore..  

 

2 seconds ago.. My itunes was on, so I was singing my song..~ ^o^

I never realized how much I love my boyfriend. I also never realized; how much I'm scared of losing him, because in my thoughts. I always think that he might use me for sex, but sometimes I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I really do love him a lot, but I'm really scared at the same time.. 
These are the thing that I kind of noticed about him.. When ever time he's around with his friends, and when he calls me. He doesn't like to say the word "I love you", and he doesn't talk to me as much because this is wat he told me last night on the phone. "sorry, I didn't want to talk to you around my cousin, cause it'll be to awkward for me" I just don't know what to do anymore.. He shouldn't get all awkward, when he talks to me on the phone. It feels werid when he told me that, and I didn't wanted to talk to him on the phone, when he told me that. When he first called me.. I didn't say I love you back to him because he didn't say it to me.. Then when he called me twice..all of a sudden, he said those words because his cousin wasn't around or his friends.. I don't know, if he's really using me for sex, but all my friends really do like him, so I'm a bit stress out, about this. 
Does he want me for sex?.. Is that why he comes down here for sex, and then dump me?.. 
I'm really confused with my life, and if he really do love me. He should just talk to me on the phone, and yesterday was like the shortest time we ever talked. So as of now.. I'm really confused... 
 I wanted to express myself because I don't really open up to anyone, and the journal is really helping me through this by people giving me advice...

I've been thinking a lot lately.. I don't know what I'm exactly thinking of, but its most likely about negative thoughts that's rushing through my head. I have this boyfriend whom I met on this site called stickam.. Strange isn't it?.. Well I guess you guys should say that, but to me its not strange at all anymore because I've known him for 5 mths, and we already seen each other for 3 times already. I never had a long distance relationship before, and so far I know its really bugging me. Because for one, I always think he might use me for something totally different even though we talked about it. I know its strange think that, but this kept on bugging me for weeks. We known each other for 5 mths by talking on the phone and chatting online. Then when he came down here, he asked me in person to go out with him and I said yes to him. We've been going out for a week now and its going great. 
But lately I keep thinking if were going fast or thinking that he might use me for sex and just dump me afterwards.. I'm a bit scared by that, because my closest friends had experienced this kind of situation and they've told me it truly hurted them. They were in love with their ex and sometimes they still love their ex's, but they can't do anything about it because its over.